I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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