Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
