My nipple is on Facebook.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
