He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
