Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
