I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
