if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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