told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
