Joe is yelling at the trees again.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
