so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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