i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
