Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
