too bad you live with your parents still
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
