my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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