I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
