I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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