did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
