Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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