anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i now understand why vodka
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
