They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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