I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
