Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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