my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
