He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
