the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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