Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
