She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
