So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
