girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
