I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
