i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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