My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
