you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
NoShamevember. You game?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
