I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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