What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
