the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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