I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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