last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
