Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
