so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish I only lived at night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
