I just made out with a guy for $7.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
