Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
