help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
