She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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