I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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