oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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