This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
