he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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