Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
