Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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