I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
