This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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