i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i think i just lost a toe
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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