I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
