I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
