Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
